Do You Approach Your Conversations with Genuine Authenticity?
Patty, an office manager in a medical office, was tasked with providing feedback to her direct reports that were performing poorly. Amber, the office appointment specialist, who recently started missing deadlines, taking a lot of personal calls, and coming in late for work, was identified as someone with whom Patty needed to speak. Patty reflected on how she would hold this conversation. She really liked Amber, and she knew that when she was hired in the beginning, she would always keep her performance commitments. She was curious about what had changed.
Patty began by asking Amber a question. “How are things going for you?”
Amber responded, “Things are hard right now.”
“How so?” Patty asked.
“My car broke down and needs some expensive repairs. I barely have enough money for rent. My mom hasn’t been well, and I’ve had to spend a lot of time helping her with doctor’s appointments and arranging medical care for her.” Patty didn’t say a thing and continued to listen.
Amber continued, “I know that I am not performing well right now. I’ve been trying, but I am just so distracted by my life that my full attention has not been on work.”
Before Patty could say anything, Amber continued, “Thanks for listening to me. I have loved working here. In fact, my experience here has helped me decide that I want to pursue a career in the medical field. Thanks for always being so kind.”
Patty was surprised that Amber so readily admitted her shortcomings. She also appreciated Amber being open enough to share the events happening in her personal life and how they were affecting her performance. Together they made an improvement plan for Amber to follow.
Often when we are confronted with holding a difficult conversation, we begin that conversation in an adversarial position rather than being open and letting our curiosity and desire to understand drive the flow of the conversation.
Many of us are intimidated by the prospect of delivering negative feedback and the anticipated defensive and emotional reaction resulting from that conversation. I have often wondered how frequently our negative assumptions and attitude about the situation end up creating the very results we want to avoid.
Patty’s objective curiosity and authenticity helped her to hold this conversation which led to an effective outcome.
Authenticity in conversation is not an easy attribute to develop.
Here are six key character traits to consider developing to strengthen your personal authenticity.
Absolute honesty
This doesn’t mean that you will reveal things to others that the law forbids you from sharing with others. But it does mean that you tell the truth when asked for it. You will not shy away from giving your honest assessment when asked for it along with examples that will help people understand the impact or consequences of their behavior.
Unwavering responsibility
It is so easy for us to shift the blame for our negative results or the situation that we find ourselves in. If you have unwanted outcomes or your expectations are unmet, look at yourself and assess how your own actions, directions, and communications created the results that you received. Whatever the outcome, you are responsible, at least in part, for the end result.
Sincere humility
I have often had people ask me, “How does one develop humility?” Be willing to admit that you may not know everything, that you may not be right, that someone has had an experience or perspective that you may not have. I remember someone telling me at the beginning of my career, “You’re not all that!” Simply put, there is an opportunity for everyone to know more, do more, and be more. Recognizing one’s shortcomings is a great place to begin to increase our personal humility.
Vulnerable openness
It takes courage to share what we are really thinking and feeling with others. Our ability to trust others will enable us to be vulnerable with them. Trust takes time to develop and requires a deliberate attempt to come to know and understand others. We can do this by asking questions, sincerely listening to each other, and sharing with one another.
Heartfelt gratitude
We often become so busy that we don’t take the time to notice and appreciate all the good things in our lives. Even when times are challenging, those challenges can lead us to develop and grow in ways that wouldn’t be possible otherwise. One of the easiest ways to connect with other people is to recognize the value that they offer and to express our heartfelt gratitude to them. Your gratitude will permeate your interactions with others as well as enhance your authenticity with those around you.
Focused attention
It is easy for us to become distracted by the many things that demand our attention and preoccupy our thinking. Learning to quiet the voices in our minds, minimize distractions, and to be fully present with others helps to create an authentic presence with one another. That presence will greatly contribute to a positive outcome.
Authenticity in conversation is not an easy attribute to develop. It encompasses your willingness to be honest with yourself and with others and to take ownership of your mistakes. It also means that your values, ideals, and actions align. Taking some time to evaluate your personal levels of honesty, responsibility, humility, openness, gratitude, and attention will help you target areas for improvement. Strengthening these positive traits will increase the authenticity with which you approach and interact with others. The greater your authenticity, the more effective your conversations will be.
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