by John Stoker | Nov 6, 2019 | on the job
I recently spoke at a multi-day educational conference on different aspects of emotional intelligence. At the end of each presentation, people came up asking for some advice or coaching in situations where people are bullied. Some people asked, “What can I do if I am being bullied?” Others asked, “What can I do if I see others being bullied?” It appeared as if these people were overwhelmed and suffocating in the emotions that accompanied their experience. Listening to people’s experiences prompted a fair amount of introspection and a desire to address the issue of bullying whenever it occurs.
by John Stoker | Sep 14, 2019 | About the Public Sector
After a recent presentation, someone approached me and asked, “I noticed that when you share your learning with us, you often give us things to do rather than telling us what not to do. Why do you do that?” I responded by stating that when someone tells you what not to do, your brain focuses on that, often leading you to do what you are told specifically not to do. For example, if you were teaching someone to ski, you would not tell them, “If you lose control, don’t look at the trees!” Making this statement would lead people to look at the trees. Rather you would say, “If you lose control, remember to look down the hill in the direction you want to go.”
by John Stoker | Aug 14, 2019 | About the Public Sector
I was recently visiting with a friend who just so happens to be a vice president within her company. I could tell that she was frustrated so I asked her about it. She told me that she was frustrated because of something that had happened in an important meeting. She indicated that one of her colleagues had spent most of their meeting complaining about having to fire one of his key people. When she asked why he had to terminate the individual, he indicated that his employee was not meeting his expectations. When she asked him if he had given this individual that feedback, he stated, “No. I hate doing that kind of thing, but now I have to get rid of him anyway, which is even harder.” She was troubled by not only his lack of candor, but also of his unwillingness to manage his own expectations.
by John Stoker | Jun 5, 2019 | About the Public Sector
These questions are usually asked out of frustration, and they will not help you get the answers you seek. Such questions tend to be disrespectful and demeaning, especially as they are usually accompanied by a negative tone and motivation. Unfortunately, all of us have likely either asked or been asked these types of questions.
by John Stoker | May 10, 2019 | About the Public Sector
For 13 summers, I worked in the Grand Canyon as a whitewater guide to pay for my college education. Running the river was the highlight of my young life to that point in time. I loved the beauty of the canyon and river, as well as the excitement and changing nature of our experiences. In order to keep my passengers and me safe, I learned very quickly to be focused not only on what was happening right then, but to look ahead, have a plan, consider what could happen, and have a plan for managing those contingencies.
by John Stoker | Dec 8, 2018 | About the Public Sector
Part of the problem with not being able to listen between the lines arises from our perception of what the person is saying or what they want. People tend to make assumptions based on their own experiences, current emotions, and state of mind. Unfortunately, these assumptions often tend to be incorrect. Recognizing the inaccuracy of our assumptions and challenging them by asking questions will greatly clarify what we are hearing and help to avoid misunderstandings.
by John Stoker | Sep 9, 2018 | About the Public Sector
It seems like everybody has a different way they prefer to communicate be it via text, email, Facebook, or face-to-face. This challenge is not uncommon for many of us that work with or live with people from a variety of different generations.
by John Stoker | Jul 5, 2018 | About the Public Sector
It seems like everybody has a different way they prefer to communicate be it via text, email, Facebook, or face-to-face. This challenge is not uncommon for many of us that work with or live with people from a variety of different generations.
by John Stoker | May 4, 2018 | About the Public Sector
May 1st in the United States is Loyalty Day. It is a day when citizens acknowledge and affirm their allegiance to the country and to their heritage of American freedom. The U.S. Congress designated May 1st as Loyalty Day on July 18, 1958.
by John Stoker | Mar 29, 2018 | About the Public Sector
I recently had the opportunity to attend a team meeting where the manager was giving feedback to his team of 30 millennials who worked for him in a local catering business. I remember some of my supervisors in the past saying the same type of things to me. His statements brought back a flood of memories and reminded me how ineffective such statements can be.
