Likeability in Leadership: Does it Really Matter?
Carolyn Mozell is the founder and CEO of Leaders Who Connect and Inspire LLC and knows firsthand how transformative it can be when leaders and employees treat each other with mutual respect, kindness, and a genuine desire to see each other succeed. Carolyn served in some of the highest levels of local government leadership for over 25 years. Rising from executive assistant to deputy chief, she also knows that leadership is a privilege. Now, Carolyn leverages her direct experience advising elected officials, cabinet level leaders and activating diverse high performing teams to help leaders in business, nonprofit organizations and government agencies do the same.
Likeability plays a crucial role in how others perceive your influence, trust, and effectiveness. So, does it matter? The answer is a resounding yes. When you are liked, people are more likely to trust you, collaborate, and support your vision. It strengthens your leadership presence, fosters teamwork, and creates a positive organizational culture. For example, a team that is engaged and trusts their leader is more willing to embrace change—even when it challenges their comfort zones.
On the flip side, a leader who comes across as too distant or authoritarian may struggle with pushback when it’s time to implement initiatives or gather honest feedback. Team members may hesitate to share ideas or resist change because they do not feel their voices are valued.
However, likability does not mean sacrificing authority. Striking a balance between being approachable and assertive is key to building sustainable influence and driving impactful results.
The Leadership and Likability Dilemma
The challenge many leaders—especially women—face is walking the tightrope between likability and leadership. This is known as the Likability Dilemma. If you are overly concerned with being liked, you can come across as a people-pleaser, compromising your authority. Conversely, leaning too hard on authority can alienate your team and diminish trust. For example, a woman giving direct feedback may be labeled “bossy,” while a man is perceived as “strong.” This bias complicates women’s advancement, especially in male-dominated professions.
The challenge many leaders—especially women—face is walking the tightrope between likability and leadership.
How Leaders Can Balance Leadership and Likability
To navigate this balance, I teach a framework centered on three key principles: staying anchored in your values, refining communication skills, and leveraging emotional intelligence. Together, these elements form a strong foundation for effective leadership without sacrificing likeability. Here’s how:
Staying Anchored in Your Values
Your values should be your guiding compass. They define who you are as a leader and set the tone for how you interact with others. When you’re clear on your values, you project confidence and authenticity, which fosters respect and trust. For instance, if you value transparency, consistently communicate openly with your team, especially when navigating difficult decisions. This builds trust and shows that you lead with integrity, even in challenging situations.
Reflection: What are your top three core values? How are you living them every day?
Refining Your Communication Skills
Effective leaders know how to adapt their communication styles to fit different scenarios. For example, when presenting a difficult decision, you can acknowledge how it may affect the team, while also reinforcing the rationale behind it. This approach allows you to maintain authority without alienating others. Being skilled in the flexibility to adapt your communication fosters healthy conversations and outcomes, positioning you as a leader who is not only capable, but also likeable. Whether you’re giving feedback, presenting a new initiative, or resolving conflict, how you communicate matters. That’s why it’s important to know your communication style.
Reflection: Is your communication style direct, enthusiastic, collaborative, or reserved?
Leveraging Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence (EI), or EQ, is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while being attuned to the emotions of others. It is an essential skill for understanding and managing both your own emotions and those of others. By tuning into how your team feels and what motivates them, you can lead with empathy and influence more effectively. Monitoring your emotional responses, actively listening, and reframing your perspective to choose a constructive response, are some of the ways to leverage your emotional intelligence to balance leadership and likeability. For instance, if a team member is resistant to change, EI enables you to address their concerns, acknowledge their fears, and provide reassurance, fostering a sense of inclusion and trust.
Reflection: In your last interaction with a team member, did you thoughtfully respond, or did you instinctively react?
Conclusion
As we wrap up, let’s look at an example to bring it all together. Imagine you need to introduce a challenging new process to your team. By clearly explaining the reason behind the change (anchoring in values), communicating with empathy, and offering support (leveraging emotional intelligence), your team will be more willing to embrace the change. You preserve authority while gaining trust and approachability.
Balancing leadership and likability isn’t about choosing one over the other—it’s about blending them in a way that works for you and your team.
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